If You Think You're Lonley Now...

…b*tch wait until tonight!  While I’ve never had the balls reason to say this to a girl I was romantically involved with, I’ve utilized variations when breaking up with them.  Some good, some bad, some hilarious, and the one that shant be spoken of anymore but all telling of the person I was and currently am.  With my hindsight being 25/20 (seriously, I can almost see through walls), I see that the longer I live, I am/was never wrong about anything and all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time and life (ala George Bernard Shaw with a little CB in there). 

But with all that being said, I have realized that there are some do’s and do not’s of breaking up with someone.  Because let’s be honest, people are crazy and don’t know how to take rejection, especially girls.  Yes, I said it.  One guy tells you that his family his brothers his friends his dog he doesn’t like you and you want to try and run him off the road.  Sheesh. 

If you don’t take these suggestions into consideration for the other person’s feelings, at least take them into consideration for the shear fear of having your property vandalized balls mutilated or your favorite pet kidnapped. 

1.  Do It!

Don’t be that person that says “If this doesn’t get better in _(insert time period)_, I’m leaving.”  Quit being a b*tch and do it already.  In this Captain’s opinion, most people stay in relationships 6 months longer than they should. 

2. Face to Face is best

I will attest to this suggestion.  I’ve done everything except the text message break up.  And in my learnings, yes learnings, this has been the least violent, except for that one chick.  That sh*t was B-A-N-A-N-A-S.  I feel that after the tears and the “I hate you”s there will be some time to reflect and some no string love mutual respect.

3. Don’t B-S her

You’re breaking up with her.  She’s already hurt.  Tell her why she should be hurting. Try things like, “I’m not happy because you are stuck in your ways.”, “You aren’t spontaneous enough.” or “You’re not adventurous enough for me in the sack life”

These are just a few to try out to make sure you are alive for the next morning adventures.  What other ones can you think of FDC people?

-Captain B.